On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
