I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
