i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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