she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
