Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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