It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
