I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
