Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
