He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
