wrigley field is MILF paradise
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
