True but thats because hes a fetus.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's shark week go big or go home
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
