And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
