I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This house was built for laser tag.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
