The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
