Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
