She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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