There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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