SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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