Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
