how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Randomize
