i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
