Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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