my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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