I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
