the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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