Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
