At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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