omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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