i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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