I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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