so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
