rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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