That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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