I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
