my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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