kristin has been a bad kristin
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
