No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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