Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
