3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
