omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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