capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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