Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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