If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
