need another drink. this is the easiest way
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
