do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
