i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
