She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You are a genius and a whore.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
