life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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