Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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