I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
