I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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