either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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