i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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